Sunday, 24 December 2017

Christmas Crackers... Ha Ho Ha...


It's Christmas,
I must be on Santa's hit list,
he gave me no gift,
wait... I know what it is?
it's because I got stairs
and
saw my flat had no lift.

My girl ask
where's my present?
I said right here,
she said that's cheap,
I told her I'm worth more
than 100 men in a year.

Happy new year,
my resolution...
who am I kidding
old habits never die
I'm going to start off
with new intention
and
end that same year
with a self inflicted lie
telling myself...
I did try...

It's the season
to be jolly,
but not when
I cannot fill up my
shopping trolley,
or
pick from my local
park trees to make
imitation holly,
I almost got caught
by the park care taker,
if not for the ice...
he would have got me.

Mum get me:
A PlayStation,
mum you got me a...
Police Station,
if I wanted that
I would have stole
you a turkey
and some decoration,
I am not 6 years old ma
she was like
"I know... you are 36
living in my basement"
I took my sachet of soup,
went back downstairs
with the toy
just for entertainment.

I heard some carolers
outside my door,
I told them
"turn it down"
singing silent night,
I want a silent night,
popcorn and a movie
the genre... urm... war;

War between Santa
and his elves,
they said
"we need not make
toys anymore,
technology gets
all the sales,
Santa you should
get with the times,
have your own
online store,
release us from
captivity so we can
go on our happy trails.

My father was a Grinch,
he said
"Christmas is for slaves...
elves were taken
from their land
from a fat man,
who cross the sky's
with a carriage of
shackled sleighs"
then he would fall asleep,
tell us to leave and say a
similar thing on our birthdays.

Dear spoiled child,
can you give your toys
this year to someone
less fortunate,
instead of
throwing tantrums,
throwing them away,
give another
a reason to smile,
you still got
unopened gifts
from last year...
man a whole pile.

it is Christmas eve,
I have no tree,
I get a pole,
put it south
in the ground,
and
Sellotape it with
branches and leaves,
all I needed was a
ornament for the top...
I know...
I will cut a star
with my mothers
Christmas cheese.

Happy Holidays
and
enjoy the days off,
work turns on soon,
until then enjoy
being a sloth.

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